What men can do to help stop violence against women

    Editor’s note: This article is an excerpt from the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence’s Web site. (www.mcedv.org) For more information call 1-800-439-2323, visit www.batteredwomensproject.org, or e-mail the batteredwomensproject@hotmail.com
    Listen to women … learn from women. Ask a woman who trusts you how violence has affected her life and if she wants to share, sit back and listen. Read women’s literature. Read Ms. Magazine. Read articles and books about the masculinity and the root causes of sexual violence. Educate yourself and others about the connection between larger social forces and the problems and conflicts of individual women and men. If you suspect that a woman close to you is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, gently ask if you can help.
    Learn about the nature and extent of the problem. One in three women who have been married or lived in a common-law relationship have experienced criminal violence at the hands of their male partners. Local domestic violence programs can provide you with more information on the nature and extent of violence against women.
    Reflect on, and work toward changing any abusive and controlling behaviors of your own. If you have been violent toward your spouse or girlfriend in the past and have any chance of continuing in the future, then you urgently need to get help. The majority of men are not physically violent. But let’s all examine ways we might control women. Do you dominate conversations? Do you crowd women’s space? Do you put women down? Not all men are responsible for committing acts of violence. But all men must take responsibility for ending all forms of violence.
    Use inclusive, non-sexist language. Sexist language helps create a climate where forms of violence and abuse have too long been accepted. Language, that degrades women, reflects the reality of a society that has historically placed women in a second-class position. By reflecting this reality, they once again put women “in their place” even if that isn’t the intention.
    Confront sexist, racist, homophobic, and other oppressive remarks or jokes. Sexist jokes encourage and support a climate where forms of violence and abuse have too long been accepted. Boycott comedians who verbally assault women in their acts. Boo in comedy clubs when male comedians tell sexist jokes. Recognize and speak out against homophobia and gay bashing. This abuse also has direct links to sexism. Don’t remain silent.
    Challenge other men. One of the most difficult things for men who oppose violence against women is to learn to challenge other men. Challenge men to drop sexist language from their vocabulary. Challenge men who talk lightly of violence against women. Challenge men who engage in violence. Approach gender violence as a men’s issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds.
    Don’t finance sexism. Don’t purchase magazines, rent videos, or buy tapes and CDs that portray women in sexually degrading or violent ways. Respond to sexism in newspapers and magazines by writing to publishers and editors. Write to TV and movie executives to protest the gratuitous use of violence against women in U.S. television and cinema.
    Make your vote count. Support candidates for political office at every level, from student government leaders to the President of the United States, who are committed to the full social, economic and political equality of women. Oppose those who are not committed.
    Support your local domestic violence project. These and other women’s organizations deserve men’s support and men’s financial backing. Support and advocate for increased state and federal funding for battered women’s shelters and rape crisis centers. Support feminists. Campaign to raise money for local women’s programs. Volunteer. Men are needed in public education, youth outreach, and political lobbying.
    Ask women what they’d like to see men doing, and then follow up on it.
    Encourage education. Support or propose curriculum changes, at every level of the educational system, that mandate courses and programs dealing with sexism and sexual violence. Urge coaches of boys and men’s athletic teams to their players to attend workshops and seminars on sexism and male violence against women. Pressure school administrators to require these activities.
    Organize a group of men, in school, at your workplace, or among a circle of friends, to work against sexism and violence against women. Contact local or national anti-sexist men’s groups for support and resources. The group can sponsor feminist speakers; produce and distribute literature; protest sexism in the media; organize forums on pornography, sexual harassment, and female-male relationships; and hold fundraising events for women’s shelters, rape crisis centers, and other women’s organizations. Lead by example.