After watching a friend go through a recent divorce, while looking forward to my 20th anniversary in May, talking about marriage and love for Valentine’s Day, the question arose, “What keeps a marriage together?
In today’s society, divorce may be an answer for some, but many don’t even consider marriage as an option. Relationships change quickly and often. The design of marriage has been broken and needs to be mended, so children aren’t caught in the crossfire.
While recalling an old song, “Still the One,” written in 1976 by John Joseph Hall and Johanna D. Hall of the band Orleans, along with a catchy tune are no truer words ever penned for Valentine’s Day.
“We’ve been together since way back when; sometimes I never want to see you again” — yup, there are always those times of exasperation in marriage.
Deana Bailey said her marriage has stood strong “through devotion, understanding, compromise, unity, laughter, faithfulness, silliness, sharing, caring and the occasional argument to keep things spirited.”
“But I want you to know, after all these years you’re still the one I want whisperin’ in my ear” — despite the frustration, it’s holding strong to a commitment that makes many marriages thrive.
Sharon Cyr and her husband, Billy, have been married 45 years and her advice is “total commitment, honesty, loyalty, being best friends, never going to bed angry and lots of ‘I love yous’.”
“Commitment, communication, respect and laughter,” is what Terrie Williams offered as keys to a strong relationship.
The chorus directly relates to key components keeping people together — “You’re still the one that makes me laugh” — everyone needs a time to laugh and be foolish together and most people agree.
“A sense of humor,” said Sarah Estabrook. “A sense of humor will save you every time, no matter what the situation,” added Tina Libby.
“Still the one that’s my better half” — realize the strength in your partner. Gretchen Fitzpatrick looks at her husband Brian and among all of the great characteristics of love, she finds, “It’s important for couples to help each other to be the best person they can be.”
“We’re still having fun” — so, what have you done fun together lately?
Among two men that answered the post, Ben Drew, who has been married to Jill for 22 years, believes in loyalty, love and best of all, regular date nights.
“For us, often at the local movie theater,” he said. “We love Temple Theatre popcorn.”
“Romance is always a nice touch,” explained Melinda King. “Saturday picnics in the summer. Bike rides together. Flowers for no obvious reason. Cooking together and doing things with your spouse because [he/she] wants to do it.”
“You’re still the one that makes me strong” — a partner lends support.
Fitzpatrick added, “Since both of us work outside the home, it takes both of us to raise our kids, clean the house, grocery shop, prepare meals, do laundry and more. My husband is fantastic at all of those jobs. It sure helps the days and years to run more smoothly.”
“Still the one I want to take along” — wanting to share time together.
“Here’s what keeps a relationship solid and alive, besides the obvious … love, but friendship with each other is monumental,” said Jennifer Ruth, former Houlton Pioneer Times reporter. “Your partner/spouse has to be your best friend.”
Crystal Cummings agreed.
“It really helps when you don’t just love your spouse, but you ‘like’ them as well,” she added.
Bailey also said her husband, Kevin, “is my best friend.”
“Open lines of communication, honesty, listening, compromise and being able to laugh with one another,” keeps Amy and Steve Carmichael’s unity grounded, as she considers him, “one of my best friends.”
“We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one.”
Other qualities that are developed through time in marriage were also uncovered in the Facebook post.
“We have been married 25 years as of Jan. 31,” said Tammey Scott. And for her and Danny, it is “listening and learning.”
For Cindy Milton, she and her husband Tom, find communication, listening, compromise and laughter are vital to a long-lasting marriage.
As couples trust each other, jealousy and judgment are laid aside, with forgiveness and respect taking their rightful place.
Debbie Rafford, who is married to Clark Rafford, former Hodgdon High School principal, cautions couples to “let home be where you hang your hat, not where your family lives.”
After 35 years of marriage, Rafford has learned, “Don’t think you own your partner/spouse,” she said. “Be a friend and learn to compromise. Giving and not expecting to receive back helps. Don’t keep score of each other, that will never work.”
Ellen Askren added, “Be able to admit that you are wrong and not dwell on it.”
Andrea Jenkins added, “Nobody has the right to give or deny another adult ‘permission’ for something. A marriage is a team of individuals.”
Tina Jay, who lost her husband early in their marriage to a car/truck accident, noted she has a new perspective on what can help keep a marriage strong.
“Being quick to forgive and giving as much grace to them as you expect for yourself,” she said.
Hollie McPartland, Houlton High School guidance counselor chimed in, “Amen to all 33-plus [Facebook posts] respect, forgiveness, compassion and then there is love.”
Kim Thompson pointed out trust was critical.
“It’s very important and goes without saying,” she added.
Phyllis Blanchette added, “All of the above and trust is also a factor.”
However, there is always the humorous side of any post.
“Any man will tell you two words, ‘Yes dear’,” said Denise Geiger and Jamie Hunt posted, “A spouse who is willing to accept you for you. When you throw a hind quarter of a game animal on the kitchen bar and start cutting it up, it is true love when they pitch in and wrap.”
But, I think Sally Callnan and Debbie Beers sum it all up very nicely.
“Never let a day go by without saying ‘I love you,’” said Callnan.
Even as our love changes and we grow old, our love will grow new if we feed, water and plant it in good soil.
“After 35 years of marriage, I recommend putting God first, when He’s in charge and both agree to it, there is less chance of wanting your own way,” said Beers, who is formerly of Houlton, as her husband Gary preached at the Houlton Wesleyan Church. “Think of other’s need before your own and it will come back to you. Don’t take yourself too seriously and have lots of laughter filling your days.”
