Lesson 36: When you begin to get well into your 40s, and no later than 50, schedule yourself for your first colonoscopy. Do not wait until you have symptoms. It may be too late.
When the colonoscopy was over, I vaguely recall being returned to my private cubicle of the day surgery suite. Surrounding me, I could hear others like myself who were either finished with their testing or they were about to go down to the surgical room. The attending nurses were reassuring those who had returned from their procedure that all looked good. The surgeon would be in momentarily to speak with them.
I looked over at my husband and asked him if he knew how my procedure went. He told me that he didn’t know but I would hear soon. He squeezed my hand and assured me that all was just fine as I closed my eyes and succumbed to the slowly weakening anesthesia in my body.
I was infamous for postponing and canceling my colonoscopy appointments. In my mind, I was convinced that this terribly invasive procedure would be a waste of the surgeon’s time and undue anxiety for me. I had no history of it in my family and I felt fine. I had all other screenings done faithfully and my blood work was always excellent. Of all the maladies in existence, colorectal cancer would never cast its ominous shadow upon me. The symptoms I experienced were nothing more than colitis or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
The surgeon swept the mauve curtains that surrounded me aside. As he began to speak, I closed my eyes and willed myself to wake up. This was a nightmare and I would awaken soon. A lesion had been found in the rectal area and it did not look good. The surgeon thought it just might be cancerous. I would know more once the pathology report was completed.
I could not find my voice. The room seemed to spin around me. In no time, I would awaken and after having toast and tea and a clean bill of health, I could go home and rest.
This could not be happening to me; not to me. I looked once again at my husband, who held my hand tightly against his heart. I tried to tell him that we were in this dream together and that soon, I would awaken and we could go home. It was May 4, 2011, and The County was just beginning to bloom. The promise of lupines. Lilac trees. Farmers preparing to plant. Moose ambling out of the deep woods and onto the highway. Soon it would be Spring. There was no place in my perfect world for cancer.
A kind nurse with empathy dancing in her eyes brought me a photo of the lesion. It was shaped like a crescent moon and it clung to the side of my colon, in the rectal area. I could not pull my eyes away from it and I wept.
Several days later, the pathology report confirmed all suspicions. I was not shuffling my way into Spring; I was staggering into the Twilight Zone.
Editor’s note: Belinda Wilcox Ouellette has lived in the Caribou area for all of her 56 years. She presently lives in Connor TWP. with her husband Dale and their Goldendoodle Barney. They are currently working on building a home in Caribou. You may contact Belinda online at: dbwouellette@maine.rr.com.
