Soiled undies save the dirt

Orpheus Allison, Bug Guts & Beauty, Special to The County
7 years ago

It’s time to note the birds, bees, and undies. Spring has come to Aroostook County. It’s time to dish the dirt on soil. A Canadian soil conservation organization announced it’s “Soil your Undies!” Time!

The idea is simple. How fertile or how good is the soil for crops. Take a set of white cotton undies and bury them six inches beneath the ground. Wait two months and then dig them up, wash and compare. Healthy soil, with all its bacteria, worms, and other animals should view the unmentionables as a gourmet delicacy. The only thing that should be left is the elastic waistband. Yes, the only thing left is elastic. All the natural cotton has been consumed.

The name of this effort: Soil Your Undies!

Earth scientists do have a sense of humor if a wee bit dirty. The joke is an old one. Remember Uncle Bert? He was always driving that ol’ truck with the bondo on the roof and the rust on the floor. Uncle Bert had only one pair of underwear. It was put on in October and taken off in the spring. The sure sign that it was finished on Uncle Bert’s shoulders was the itch.

Uncle Bert would be scratching away. He would scratch so fast that you swore the springtime wind was rushing through the trees. Exasperated, Bert would head to the woods his arms flapping so hard you thought he was flying. Flocks of birds would rise in the sky and then here comes Bert. He had a big grin on his face and a lump under his elbow. Grabbing his shovel he marched into the field and planted his undies in the ground. Spring had come and it was time for a bath. No one knows where those long johns went but they disappeared. By July Fourth it was clear that Uncle Bert would have a terrific garden.

Soil those undies! Show the world how healthy your soil is. Save on washing costs by letting the worms do the cleaning.

Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.