By Deborah Rafford
Special to the Pioneer Times
Giving birth does not make one a mother. Caring for, nurturing, loving, and guiding a child or children through the trials and tribulations of life is what really makes one a mother. I was not one of those “lucky” children. When I was 7 years old, my brother and I were given up by our biological parents and became “wards of the state.”
Most of my childhood consisted of inner turmoil, not being seen as a person, but as less human for being a “foster kid.” I was always watching over my shoulder, wondering what was going to happen next.
That was, until I moved to “the farm.” Even though this couple already had a child, they made room for my brother and me. Though my brother later went back to live with our birth mother, I was left behind to deal with “my hand in life.”
My foster parents suffered my trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl right along with me. They stood by me when I excelled and even when I failed.
I learned the meaning of “hard work” (haying, cleaning out gutters in the barn, picking potatoes, spring cleaning, mowing lawns, laundry-including using a clothesline). I also learned how to have fun (sliding the back hills, cooking out in the snow, weekends at the pond, homemade onion rings at Foggs in Patten after chores were done, Saturday cooking, track and cheerleading at school, and making maple syrup are some of my fondest childhood memories. Since I wasn’t allowed to leave the state or country, trips were limited to Bangor, Houlton, and Bar Harbor.
Never quite knowing who my “real” relatives were, I was adopted by my “extended” families. I seem to be related to most of southern Aroostook County! (Some claim me, some don’t). Watching and doing things with my foster mom helped me learn to be the person I am today. I couldn’t have raised three wonderful sons the way I did without the knowledge I gleaned from my life on the farm.
I run into folks today that knew the situation in which I grew up. I am always complimented on the fact that I “turned out good.” I guess that is a compliment, and I will take it, but I wonder sometimes, would I have turned out as well if I had not had such caring foster parents?
I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it, but I can say to the children out there in the foster care system, embrace the families you live with. Life could be better, and, yes, it could also be worse. Put yourself in a positive mood with “the hand you are dealt.” Who knows, someday in the future, someone you know now might approach you to compliment you on how “good you turned out.”
