The Star-Herald

Flipping the flakes for profit

The great snow battles have begun. Those lovely flakes have fallen and thanks to rampant frolicking undercover of darkness, they have multiplied. Consult your parents on lesson number nine of the birds and the bees for how to.

Now to the task at hand. Removing the wanton results from all passageways. Tools available, shovels of all sorts, scoops, plow blades, blowers and buckets of boiled coffee. Object: relocate the flakes to a more appropriate place, your neighbor’s yard. Points for artistry and timing. The most points just before your neighbor has to leave for that all important date with a donut.

Snow clearing is best left to old geezers and youngsters too new to the world to know better. Tom Sawyer’s fence honors the snow job that is done for suitable young backs. One can see the old geezers too stingy to turn on their headlights. Together they gang up on the unsuspecting customer offering to reduce the growing pile of white to bare asphalt.

Stick the shovel in, lift, toss and repeat. Or, drop the four ton, seven foot blade, honk the horn, when and ram the pile just over the property line, repeat until the pathway glistens from all the polishing. Then go into the donut shop and over a steaming cup of black mud, complain about people who can’t keep snow to themselves.

Snow blowers are the heaviest weapon in these battles. Whirling blades of steel, scoop, fracture, and flick the flakes a good distance. When using make certain that the throw area is well of your own property and remember points come from how smooth the arc is and how close to filling the lot next door with the carnage. Time to plow snow! Present the bill for service and collect.

Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television, later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.

Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television, later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.

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