Positive friendships are powerful

    “When there are friends, there is wealth” according to a Southwestern Spanish proverb. How true that is not only for adults but for youth. Young people’s choices, attitudes and behaviors are often influenced by the friends they surround themselves with.     Search Institute asked youth in a national survey if their best friends model responsible behavior, are a good influence on them, do well in school and do not participate in risky behaviors such as underage drinking or drug use. You may be surprised to learn that 60 percent of youth surveyed said they had asset no. 15, Positive Peer Influence in their lives.
    We often think of peer influence only as a negative influence. In fact the good choices friends make can be even more influential than poor choices. Take a stroll down memory lane and think back to the friends you had as a teenager. Was there someone you admired and respected, someone who was always there in good times and bad, and who went to bat for you no matter the situation? For many, these friendships have continued into adulthood. They are positive, nurturing and supportive.
    Unfortunately alongside the great friendships there were probably friends who were not supportive, who pressured you to participate in risky behaviors or were just plain mean. Why did you choose to spend time with people who made you feel so badly? How could you possibly have benefited from their friendship? As crazy as it may sound friendships such as these allow youth the opportunity to explore and learn about their world, themselves and the people around them. The pain of these relationships often teaches youth to treat others as they want to be treated.
    As parents we often try to shield our children from making what we perceive will be poor choices with friends. It is natural to want to protect them from the pain of being made fun of, unaccepted or pressured into making poor choices. Before we begin our selection process for our children we must consider the valuable lessons we may be taking away from them, lessons all young people deserve to explore on their own. This is not to say adults should do nothing. In fact there is a lot we can do to guide our children to positive friendships.
    We can begin by modeling responsible relationships ourselves. Talk with young people about others behaviors both appropriate and inappropriate and be involved in their lives. In time youth will begin to see that friends who act, talk and think in positive ways will bring out the best in them.
    To learn more about the 40 Developmental Assets and ideas for helping young people build them? Visit www.search-institute.org/assets.
    This article was brought to you by Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention. For more information about ASAP and 40 Developmental Assets contact Allison Heidorn, project assistant, at 540-6772 or visit www.asapcoalition.com.