Together we can set limits

    The first step in creating boundaries and expectations for youth begins at home when they are toddlers but what happens as they get older and enter into their communities? In a perfect world youth would find that the rules and norms within the broader context of community were very similar to those they were already familiar with such as respect for others, underage drinking is unacceptable, and conflict should be resolved peacefully. Unfortunately this is not the case and as a result youth are left feeling confused by the mixed signals and unsure of how to make appropriate choices.
    Effective boundary and expectation setting requires a team of systems all working together to spread redundant messages to youth about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Far too often families, schools, organizations, and neighborhoods do not work together and as a result youth are sent unclear or inconsistent messages. The consequences of these messages may include disrespect for adults, violence, vandalism, prejudice, and disregard for the rights of others, just to name a few.
    Every day youth face tough choices. Without a clear set of well defined boundaries to guide them they lack the confidence to be able to make healthy choices. These choices become more defined as the child enters school. According to Search Institute national surveys, 52 percent of young people ages 11-18 say their schools provide clear rules and consequences. Youth who attend schools with reinforced School Boundaries — asset no. 12 of the 40 Developmental Assets — are more likely to display positive behaviors and attitudes rather than engage in risky behaviors. Knowing the expectations and consequences for such things as absences, homework, and bullying provides youth the information necessary to make positive choices. A school where youth know, understand and respect the rules and consequences is a place where learning takes precedence.
    Setting standards and reinforcing them in schools is not always easy. Appropriate discipline and effective consequences is sometimes a struggle in a classroom of 25 students. It is a balancing act in which school administrators, parents, and students play important roles. It is critical that families and educators work together to ensure youth know what the expectations for behavior are. Teachers and administrations can help by allowing youth to be involved in the creation of a “school code of ethics” and sending it home for parents to read.
    The process of working with their school to create rules and consequences allows youth to feel ownership and a sense of community. Parents can help by understanding and enforcing the school rules. When parents and educators join forces youth feel confident in their knowledge of what to expect.
    Often times the intent of setting boundaries is to deter negative behavior. Perhaps it is time to create a new lens that focuses on a commitment to positive choices rather than the avoidance of negative ones. Invite youth to commit to healthy choices and lifestyles that contribute to personal, social and community well being. When we focus on the positive we get positive outcomes. Expect your child to be their best, to reach higher than they think they can. This combination of high expectations and clear, consistent, creative and confident boundaries affords youth the confidence to venture out into the world with a passion, purpose and strength that will lead them to success.
    “Want to know more about the 40 Developmental Assets and ideas for helping young people build them? Visit www.search-institute.org/assets.
    This article was brought to you by Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention. For more information about ASAP and 40 Developmental Assets contact Allison Heidorn, project assistant at 540-6772 or visit www.asapcoalition.com.