Author Dave Barry
finds humor in everyday life
By Kathy McCarty
Staff Writer
What do you get when you cross comedic author Dave Barry with humorist Jeff Foxworthy? If you’re in Aroostook County, you’d come up with Chris Morton, a Mapleton resident with a gift for storytelling.
Morton, a 2004 graduate of the University of Maine at Presque Isle with a bachelor’s degree in English literature — with an emphasis on creative writing — has been entertaining friends and family for most of his life through his knack with words and his ability to visualize what might be mundane experiences for most of us in ways that find the humor in any occasion.
Long encouraged by loved ones to put his creative writing skills to good use, Morton has published his first book, “You Kids Quit Pooping on the Lawn!” The book is a collection of short essays depicting everything from the title story involving the misadventures of his daughter who had not quite grasped the concept of potty training, performing music at a senior center with an enthusiastic pianist, Christmas caroling in strangers’ homes, camping with friends and the strange noises one hears at night, to the added benefits of running on a treadmill while trying to dodge stuffed elephants strategically flung by a toddler, among others.
When asked what inspired him to write a book, Morton said it seemed like the right time to do it.
“Whenever people find out I have a degree in English literature, they ask where I teach. When I tell them I don’t teach, they ask if I’ve written a book. When I tell them I haven’t written a book they ask how I like working at McDonald’s,” said Morton. “It felt like a good idea to write a book.”
He began writing while in high school and said it’s important to make the time to write, even if only a page or two, on a regular basis.
“I was a sophomore in high school when I started writing for fun. Mostly I tried to make my non-English research papers entertaining enough that my teachers wouldn’t notice the lack of substance. It didn’t work. Points for creativity were not a concept they supported,” Morton said.
Morton said most of his material is derived from memory, not notes.
“I occasionally rely on notes, but usually I rely on a ‘creative memory’ — ‘creative,’ in this case, meaning ‘awful.’ I embellish occasionally — ‘occasionally’, in this case, meaning ‘lots,’” Morton said with a laugh.
He said most of the people he’s written about take his work in the manner it’s intended — all in good fun.
“Most people are good sports about it. My favorite response so far has been from my daughter: ‘I pooped on the lawn and you wrote a book about it?’” said Morton, adding, “I’m hoping her therapy is tax-deductible.”
When friends and family found out about Morton’s book, their first concern was if they were included.
“Mostly I’ve heard, ‘Oh crap, am I in it?’” he said.
‘In all seriousness, I’ve been blown away by the positive response the book is receiving. Two very good friends of mine built websites for both the book and myself as an author, and a lot of my friends on Facebook have been promoting the book on their personal sites as well,” said Morton.
Morton said the most important thing he’s learned throughout this process is that he’s blessed to have a lot of really incredible friends.
“I’m grateful for them,” said Morton, as he considered all the people who encouraged him to make his dream a reality.
“Mark Howes and Jon McQuarrie have put incredible effort into promoting the book, particularly in starting and maintaining a Facebook page for me advertising what local places sell my book. They post whatever book signings I get roped into too,” said Morton. “Kathy McCarty, John and Kim Kiehn, Bill and Leeann Ward, and my parents Donald and Cindy Morton have also been great about assuring me that the book would sell at least a dozen copies, especially if I point out that the book is multifunctional. It can be used to start fires and/or prop up crooked tables, although preferably not at the same time.”
Morton said writing is something he’ll do for many years to come.
“I’m a regular contributor to an online outdoorsmen website called thesharpenedaxe.com. Right now I’m working on a book about the eccentricities of growing up in a small, charismatic country church,” he said.
Morton had some words of wisdom for others interested in penning the next great novel.
“The best piece of advice I can give a prospective writer is to write often. Every day. Don’t let anyone stop you, especially yourself. Write two pages on how it makes you nervous when the rivers get this high in the spring, or the dream you had last night about chasing your high school lunch lady with a bag of armadillos — and then go and get some professional help. If you’re dreaming about chasing your lunch lady with a bag of armadillos, it might not hurt,” said Morton.
Morton’s book is now available online from the publisher at www.createspace.com/3785724 and at amazon.com — note that Morton gets more of the proceeds if books are purchased through the publisher. Local businesses are also carrying his work, including: in Presque Isle — Merchants on the Corner, Main Street; the UMPI Bookstore; Ben’s Trading Post, Parsons Road; and Going Postal, North Street; in Houlton, York’s Bookstore; and in Ashland, Reflections Hair Salon.
For those interested meeting the author, Morton will be at the Ashland Public Library Wednesday, April 11, from 2-4 p.m. He resides in Mapleton with his wife, Suzi, their four children, two cats, three goldfish and an invisible pet bear named “Booey.”
