Staff Writer
CARY PLANTATION, Maine — “It truly does take a village to raise a child.”
Those are the feelings shared by husband and wife foster parents Gail and John Neher. For the last 20 years, the Nehers have been opening their hearts and their home to teenagers in need. Being a foster parent and offering a light of hope to a young person in crisis has been the most rewarding time in their lives. Their efforts, as well as the efforts of all foster families, will get national recognition when the Neher’s daughter Alexandria appears before a committee to speak about the importance of teenage foster care and adoption in Washington next month. Her testimony will cover teenage adoptions and why teenagers still want permanency and looking at adoption assistance programs and how they can support families to help keep young adults in permanency.
“Alexandria is going to Washington on June 9,” said Gail. “She’s going to be testifying before a committee on the Adoption Equality Act.”
Alexandria was nominated to testify because of her first-hand experience in the foster-care system.
“I’ve had first-hand experience with adoption and foster care and it’s just something that is really important to me and I just really want to do it,” said Alexandria. “It’s important to have a place to go like when you’re going to college. I’m going to college in three months and it’s important for me to know that I have a place to go and a place to call home and to have a mother and father there that care about me and will help me. It’s just really important.”
Those are the points that she wants to express to government representatives. She also wants to speak on behalf of her family and for those who are curious about being foster parents. The Nehers all feel that being a part of a family, whether it’s biological or not, is one of the most important fundamentals that a child can receive.
“There is no way to describe getting a home after not having a home for so long,” said Ivy Neher. “It’s defiantly the best thing in the world.”
Ivy’s younger sister Jessica echoed her thoughts.
“It’s important to know that they have a mother and father that love them and that they don’t feel embarrassed that they’re still in foster-care,” said Jessica.
“It’s good to know that you have a home and parents that care about you,” said Whitney Neher. “For me, some things changed and some things didn’t. I knew I had a permanent home.”
The Nehers have fostered more than 50 children over the past 20 years and have adopted anyone willing to become a permanent part of their family.
“We are now the biological parents of one child and we have eight adopted children and counting,” said Gail.
The Nehers got their start as a foster family after their only son moved out to go to college. The “empty nest syndrome” kicked in and kick started their new life.
“We had a five-bedroom house and three acres of land and no kids,” said John. “What we try to provide is stability, something all these kids have not had. We may not be ideal as far as rules and privileges, but we try to be stable and get away from the chaos and of course, the violence, which they all have experienced prior to Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) involvement in their lives.”
John said that because they’re a licensed foster family, they are still under the supervision of the state of Maine. He said their family isn’t as “free-wheeling as others,” but they still have fun.
“The girls, amongst themselves, really do most of the work,” said John. “I think they all get along.”
The Nehers daughters offered some words of encouragement to young men and women currently living in the foster care system. The biggest piece of advice was to “stick it out” and “be thankful.”
“I would just like to say be outgoing and don’t give up,” said Jessica.
“Don’t take it as the worst thing in the world to be in foster care because when you don’t have a place to go, foster care is the place to go for the time being,” said sister Ivy. “It may not be permanent, which is what we all want to strive for, but you need to be patient … that will happen. It’s definitely a better thing than being in a place where you’re not safe. Just keep your head up and don’t forget to be thankful for what you have because it’s definitely a better thing.”
“Be patient,” said Alexandria. “Because something is going to happen along the line. It may not be instant, but it will happen.”
“Stick with it,” said Whitney.
May has been recognized as Foster Care Awareness month.
